I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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