dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
