If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
