All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
