ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
