Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
