I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
