He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
