Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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