I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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