Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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