I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
