he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
