road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
