I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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