first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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