): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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