please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
