honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
