Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
