his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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