you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
