Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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