Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
