I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
