Welp...herpes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
