No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
