I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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