you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
