I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
