last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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