you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
