when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
