drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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