Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
