Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
