last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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