I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
