she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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