I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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