I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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