Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
