wakey wakey hands off snakey
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
