I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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