what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
