why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
