She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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