How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
