the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
