Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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